Reasons why I could not live in Paris
1. The French Keyboard: Why is the W somewhere else? Why is the m key a ','? Where are my scare quotes? Why do I shift to get the '?'not to mention a '.'? The ! is very convenient however!
2. Popular French culture and advertising loves to use Faux English to sell its products: an oat bar was sold to ,e yes I mean me as a 'flapjack'! Flapjacks were made by pioneers crossing the Rockies during the ,igration west, or as I almost typed - zest. When they ran out of flapjacks and zest, they ate each other. Every A,erican knoz that!
And some kid in the metro was wearing a jacket that read H O R N Y on the back: wrong ,essage i mean message! Even if you are on Spring Break Gone Wild, you would not want to be caught dead in this jacket, even if some one offered you a flapjack with it!
4. The saturation of the French media with Zidane would put me off soccer completely. I was just in London and it struck me that England is beyond France in soccer madness. at least the French team had made it to the finals: This morning's talk shows were devoted to England's tie with Macedonia for Euro 2008 qualifying: The entire country was editorializing. Maybe they have to face the facts -- the English footballers are just not that good! Ummm that was a reason I couldn't live in England. They wouldn't let me stay! But then they have made Zizek into a movie star! I couldn't get Zizek tix at the ICA and there were no scalpers either. 15 pounds I would have had to pa IF I could have gotten a ticket!
And off topic completely -- Tony Blair has managed to make Central London around the Thames look just like Brisbane. Brisbane is a beautiful subtropical boomtown filled zith stick insects and very contemporary. Central Melbourne looks more beautiful and more respectful of its nineteenth century architectural gems: Federation Square is wild and boasts pan Asian restaurants. In England; they've haphazardly torn the whole riverside of post industrial sublimity dozn in order to put California Pizza like restaurants along the Bankside -- all with the intent of framing the Tate Modern; um yeah and they've thrown in the Globe Theater for good measure. The 16th century peanut gallery could never get admitted to bo bo heaven: my much anticipated visit there turned out to be a total snooze: take 30 top jet set artists and shake: Carsten Hoeller comes out on top. Give him the entire Turbine Hall!
Even the design shops were bad! I should have just gone shopping! with the few pounds that my puny dollars were changed into; I could have bought half a Manchester United towel!
2. Popular French culture and advertising loves to use Faux English to sell its products: an oat bar was sold to ,e yes I mean me as a 'flapjack'! Flapjacks were made by pioneers crossing the Rockies during the ,igration west, or as I almost typed - zest. When they ran out of flapjacks and zest, they ate each other. Every A,erican knoz that!
And some kid in the metro was wearing a jacket that read H O R N Y on the back: wrong ,essage i mean message! Even if you are on Spring Break Gone Wild, you would not want to be caught dead in this jacket, even if some one offered you a flapjack with it!
4. The saturation of the French media with Zidane would put me off soccer completely. I was just in London and it struck me that England is beyond France in soccer madness. at least the French team had made it to the finals: This morning's talk shows were devoted to England's tie with Macedonia for Euro 2008 qualifying: The entire country was editorializing. Maybe they have to face the facts -- the English footballers are just not that good! Ummm that was a reason I couldn't live in England. They wouldn't let me stay! But then they have made Zizek into a movie star! I couldn't get Zizek tix at the ICA and there were no scalpers either. 15 pounds I would have had to pa IF I could have gotten a ticket!
And off topic completely -- Tony Blair has managed to make Central London around the Thames look just like Brisbane. Brisbane is a beautiful subtropical boomtown filled zith stick insects and very contemporary. Central Melbourne looks more beautiful and more respectful of its nineteenth century architectural gems: Federation Square is wild and boasts pan Asian restaurants. In England; they've haphazardly torn the whole riverside of post industrial sublimity dozn in order to put California Pizza like restaurants along the Bankside -- all with the intent of framing the Tate Modern; um yeah and they've thrown in the Globe Theater for good measure. The 16th century peanut gallery could never get admitted to bo bo heaven: my much anticipated visit there turned out to be a total snooze: take 30 top jet set artists and shake: Carsten Hoeller comes out on top. Give him the entire Turbine Hall!
Even the design shops were bad! I should have just gone shopping! with the few pounds that my puny dollars were changed into; I could have bought half a Manchester United towel!
3 Comments:
ironic, considering this very blog's saturation with zidane, and the omnipresence of faux english merchandise in the OC asian markets: today, I saw soap branded "I SAY" right next to shower gel called "NUDY".
faux english is something I love to hate...
my favorite instance was the name of a dowdy woman's clothing store in Bonn: Ketch'up.
When you get ketchup on our clothes no worries! They drip dry!
Or else ketch'up to fashion with our contemporary trendsetting styles?
Meaning is meaningless as English is purely ornamental!
It took me years to learn to switch the y and z on a German keyboard, and my favorite toilette paper brand here is named "Happy End".
Post a Comment
<< Home